AN OPEN LETTER TO DAVID LETTERMAN:
I’m not one to write fan letters, but I’ve followed your career for some time, and I thought I’d let you know how I feel (not that I actually think you read my blog, but what the hell).
I’ve been a fan for a long time. In fact, when I was twelve years old and on summer vacation, I faithfully watched The David Letterman Show every weekday morning on NBC. That was around the time my mother first started to suspect something was weird about me. I grew older and began staying up late on school nights while in high school to watch Late Night with David Letterman, and I have also watched just about every episode of The Late Show on CBS. Sometimes you’re funny, sometimes not so much. Sometimes (especially back at NBC) you were a little grouchy. But all in all, I like watching you and I think you do a great job.
Sometimes bad things happen in life, and the world has seen bad things in your life play out before their very eyes – from a quintuple bypass to a stalker; from kidnapping and extortion attempts to studio vandalism – I’ve read all about them. But something different happened this week. I heard the latest news about you, and instead of simply reading about it and moving on to the movie listings or horoscope, I felt the need to do something. Of course, I’m referring to the Jihadist plot to kill you and remove your tongue because you are a “lowly Jew” who mocked the deaths of Osama bin Ladin and Muhammad Ilyas Kashmir. It deeply disturbs me to know that there is a posting on an al-Qaeda message board requesting that Americans kill you and remove your tongue. It also saddens me to realize that the al-Qaeda members who post on their message board don’t even bother to check Wikipedia to learn that you were raised Presbyterian. I’ve thought about this, and the only thing I can think of to do is to make a plea for all of the readers of my blog to pray for the safely of both you and your tongue. God save the tongue of David Letterman!